Studying From Right to Left

Maybe one of my worst nightmares is to live somewhere and not be able to communicate. I bet that to be able to do almost anything in the post-cave(wo)man era one's got to be able to talk the talk, you know what I'm saying? Yes, Israel is a place where English is an official language, along with Hebrew and Arabic, but really if you don't know Hebrew, chances are you won't be part of Israeli society to the fullest and you'll be stuck in this English-speaking bubble or an Anglo niche, if you will. Since I'm not one to pigeon hole myself, I have taken on the task of studying Hebrew.

There are several basic things about the Hebrew language which I find interesting - it's from right to left, it has some letters that take on entirely different shapes when they are at the end of words (like mutant forest creatures with some sort of psychological disorder, they decide they can be different based on where they are located?) and of course, and this is the kicker, everything, I am talking, EVERYTHING, has a gender, including the adjectives. As in, if you want to say, "Wow, that soup is good!" you have to know that "soup" is a masculine noun (and unless this is a meatball soup, I don't get why it is masucline) and then you have to know to say "good" in the corresponding masculine form. This is a simple example, but, trust me, it gets super complicated.

The most annoying part is that Israelis sense your insecurities with the language like a hungry wolf senses hummus and fresh pita. So, the minute you mess up, they switch to English, and there you go, you lost your opportunity to actually put this bizarre language to use. You have to go through the awkward formalities of asking to switch back to Hebrew.

"Can we go back to Hebrew?" I ask with an embarrassed twitch that clearly says, "Please humor me."
"Sure. Anyway, what I was saying was that..." The native Israeli says.

And that's really what they do, they say, yeah, I'll humor you by pretending you can speak the language, and then, they actually don't talk in Hebrew as promised. But as with most things in Israel, sometimes you have to pick your battles. I'm sure this happens in every country where people who are not natives of the language try to give life a whirl in the local language. If the locals (lets call them the "others") speak English, they just don't want to deal with you butchering their language. It's actually very annoying.

So, here, I'll confess something. I stutter sometimes. It may be because I get nervous talking in the language I really have only been actively speaking for like a minute fraction of time, relatively speaking. But, I have noticed that there are some instances in particular where it gets bad. Usually this involves very specific words that have a "t" sound" followed by another consonant sound. Like, the word for "picture" - "t'muna" or the word for "dates" (the fruit) in plural - "t'marim" or "dependent" - "t'lol", whatever, the point is, it doesn't quite (california) roll of your tongue.

And, this I learned the hard way, because, I wanted to print some pictures.

I mean, I knew it would be hard.

The English language equivalent basically went something like this:

I walked into a printer's shop where they said on the window they print photographs. There was a long line at the counter, but having been in Israel now for a bit, I understand that there may not be a need to stand in the line. So, I went to the lady sitting at a desk where it seemed she was working on a wedding invitation or something. At any rate, I just wanted to see if she knew if I was supposed to stand in line, or really, if she could maybe just print the stuff for me.

I walk up to her desk with my USB memory stick in my hand.

I am determined.

"Hi, can you tell me if I can get these p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-a-a-a-a-c-tures printed?"
"What?"
"I'm trying to print some p-p-p-p-p-p-p-" (I am now red in the face.)
"I'm sorry, I don't understand you."
"But, please, " I started seemingly desperate, "I'm just trying to print-"
"Do you want to print pictures?" she asked.
"Yes," I said as if I were some caged monkey being asked if I wanted a banana thrown at me.
"Stand in that line."

Well, that line was not worth it. And, it was already like admitting defeat. So, I left. I went to a photography store where they had a self-service machine which was still incredibly difficult (who has ever measured photographs in centimeters?). On my walk over I also realized I had asked that woman if I could "printer up those p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-i-c-s."

But, whatever it takes to frame photographs of those I miss on my walls.

Today, I asked my Hebrew teacher if she had a trick for me to be able to say these words. She looked at me quizically and said in not so many words, "You can speak the language, just don't think too hard about these words before you use them."

And she's right, I realized that all this time, I had been avoiding using these words - dates, dependency, and pictures. I have synonyms for each that I use, except for dates, when I just point at them like a mute.

But, the truth is, who wants to live in a world without photos and dates?

I'll let you all know how it goes.